A Bear and Her Blog

10/31/2024

Happy Halloween, or Samhain to the people like me who celebrate it! Other than that, things are doing better, I'm getting hired at an Animal Shelter I've been volunteering at so that is a very nice change of pace. Things are still a little slow going, but overall life is looking up. I am still working on my pages, should have them up soonish, and should also be getting to some kind of schedule on my Youtube channel again. I am medicated for anxiety and ADHD now, so, hopefully that brings more positive changes in to my life!

There isn't a whole lot to report this time around, so it's gonna be short, and with that... I hope you all have a lovely autumn, and an even better winter.

09/25/2024

Things are still looking up, there's been a moderate setback, but nothing that can't be handled. There's a little snag in me updating my pages, largely with the index page, I have no idea what is causing the issue with the central window on the preview. In theory, it's fine on desktop with any 16:9 display, but it does drive me up the wall. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to comment on the update post to my page about how to fix it. There's a reason my page is so simple in layout! (I am kind of bad at this lmfao)

I have a few videos recorded for my Youtube channel, so those will be posted soonish, and I have a couple of new projects I'm working on alongside my newest gondola. At the very least, I'm productive. On a more personal level, I've started speaking to my father again, and so far that seems to be going well. I guess the best way to describe things is... Things are moving, slowly, but they're moving. Once I better resolve my employment, things will totally resolve and back at a state of complete normalcy for the first time in a long while.

Now, as to not drag this on too much, once again I wish you all a lovely autumn. And, hope to see some updates very soon!~

08/14/2024

Routine is going, and I am more or less fully moved in, things are going at a steady pace. Still worried about the job situation, but at least for now I am in a good headspace. I've been medicated for my anxiety, and it's gone a very long way, it's also helped with my depression in the same swoop. So, overall, life is... At least in a content space. I missed having a quiet space, and I missed my cats so much, this is nice.

I will be updating my other pages soonish, starting with the new Gondola page, now that I have quiet and stability I can actually direct the energy I have to it. Hopefully I can direct it to other productive places, too, in the future!

So, to all of you've that have fallen in to a pit of despair, I know it's cliché but: Don't give in to it, things can get better. I won't say they will, I can't just lie to you like that, but I can say even when things seem their darkest it doesn't mean you're trapped forever.

And, with that, I will sign off again. I hope you all have a lovely autumn.~

07/16/2024

Bit of an earlier than expected update, but this time things are a little more upbeat on my end. Things are going well, I finally have a place of my own again after almost two years, now the only step left is to find some more stable work than what I currently have. All in all, things seem to be in an upswing at least for me personally. I have been reunited with my cat, and that has done so much for my mental health.

Once the job search is over and I can get back in to a routine, I should finally have the time and focus to actually overhaul the stuff on my site that I had planned on for a while. I can also get to the grindstone and work more on my game! Hopefully things keep on the up and up, that's basically all just dependent on the job situation. Maybe I could maybe create proper porfolio for some of my hobby work like with video editing and Photoshop so I can do some light commission work. Idk, the world feels like it's my oyster for the time being.

So, here's to things looking up while I move forward, things are easier when I focus more on my personal life and surroundings and not the macroscape of the world around me. So, until then, see you all next month! Or, maybe sooner!

06/25/2024

Still trying to keep at least a once a month thing, I think I'll be able to keep with it now. Life's been life, though I have been considerably more stress this month than the past few. Things have kind of fallen back in to a standstill, and some old problems I thought were long gone have krept back up again.

Hopefully, it all blows overr, it usually does. But, I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't just totally exhausted. Ideally my living situation will change soon, which will on its own do a lot for this slump I'm in. I've been getting back in to the swing of some things, at least. Like, making some smaller mods for Fallout: New Vegas, I might actually end up finishing the large scale mod I've been working on for a very long time at this point.

Other than all of that, I've gotten back in to a video editing flow, and have dipped back in to graphic design. So, I see my Youtube channel revving back to live sometime soon as a result, it helps when I have projects to occupy my mind with.

We move forward, because we can't go back. And, the only way out is through. Hopefully next month's blog entry is a little more cheery, but until then, I hope you all climb out of any holes you've fallen in to. Or, at the very least, keep running now that you're out of one.

What's the phrase? It'll pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but, it'll pass.

05/26/2024

Howdy, life's been lifing. Maybe improvements soon, who knows at this point. Though, I'm still hanging on, and I hope you all are too. Been thinking of my site and what I want to do with it, I do have a lot of the work done for parts of it in an external editor, though the shrines are gonna be revised. I think I am going to have shrines for the following now: Pokémon, Dragon Ball, and Music. After a lot of thinking and just observing where my interests drift, these three things honestly stand out as important parts of my life above all else.

I hate that my updates have been so staggered lately, I am trying to at least keep one a month, ideally when my situation changes in the near future things should be picked up and I'll have the ability to actually focus on all of this stuff without panicking over things like finances. It's hard out there right now, for myself and so many other people. I hope things get better, yes even for you if you're reading this, everyone deserves better.

That's about all I have for now, without getting overly repetetive, only other thing I can think to touch on is my art progress. I am definitely gonna have a page dedicated to Gondola at this point, I think, might link to the ones I have on the archive somewhere on the main page now that I think of it.

Either way, see you all next time, and hopefully sooner than the last time.

04/09/2024

Life has been... Something lately, that's a good way to put it. A lot of things too personal to share on the internet with specifics, for the time being. It feels like every single time headway is made, and things look up, something has to come along and yank the rug out from under me. I just can't catch a break, it feels like. I've been falling in to bad habits again, though, I am aware of them and being able to drag myself out is thankfully not a point that I see it being impossible. Right when I was ready to really get back in to things, it's like problems just piled right up in front of me.

Sorry if this blog update is a bit of a downer, I just kind of need to vent I guess? At the very least I've been working on small creative projects that I'm proud of, I've been gradually getting in to digital art. I think I need to make a page dedicated to my Gondola memes at this point. I love the little guy, might even replace a planned shrine with him.

I'm at a point of I want so desperately to work on my creative outlets, but life isn't allowing it. And, I hate it. I'm tired, so tired.

02/26/2024

Apologies for the lull in updates, have some stuff going on that have forced me to refocus where my time goes. Hopefully, things will be smooth sailing after this week. I have been off and on working on the unfinished pages, but due to the lull in activity my HTML/CSS is rusty now, so that's gonna take more time than I would like. Otherwise, things are relatively okay for me, and I think will continue to move forward. Gonna start posting stuff to the Youtube channel again. Gonna do recording and whatnot on the weekends, gonna reduce uploads to something more manageable, and gonna expand content scope a bit beyond what it is to have a more creative outlet. Game dev has stalled a bit, but that's msotly due to being busy, need to hop back on that train too.

This update is a bit short and rambly, sorry for that, just wanting to get something out about plans going forward.

01/31/2024

To my surprise things are still on going relatively smooth, I guess I'm due for a win after everything. Still working on getting a place of my own, but that's easier said than done with the current climate of things. Hopefully, that changes soon. Otherwise a lot of my focus has shifted to my game development, though, I did admittedly slack a bit today because of poor sleep. Yeah, back on the poor sleep train, long passed sleepy time junction.

My mood has been strange, an odd mix of melancholy and hopeful. Hoping to get the pages here done in the nearish future, I know I keep saying I need to and keep saying I am going to, I am very bad at deadlines. Also have plans to return to my Youtube channel with some changes, so there's that too. I'm trying not to pick up too many projects at once, it's very difficult to temper myself in that regard I've learned. Either way, things will get done, as to what will get done? Good question. I am at least updating this place regularly!

I imagine things will pick up significantly in the getting things done regard when I have a place of my own, for a variety of reasons. Oh, I am also probably gonna do like a music page or something, because surprise it's a huge part of my life and I wanna share things. This update is a bit spacy, I am aware, just kind of... I don't know, feeling buzzy? Is that a feeling? Creative wheels are spinning, and I just want to make things, hopefully I don't stunlock myself this time.

01/19/2024

Things have been going pretty smooth lately, I keep intending to wrap up the other pages I have here, but always end up either too busy or something else holding my attention. I recently discovered on top of being on the Autism Spectrum I also have ADHD, which might be a contributer to that sort of thing in hindsight. The winter storms have gotten in the way of a lot as well, what looked like was going to be a quick and strong bounce back has once again been out off by things out of my control.

Thankfully, the winter storms here are only temporary, and should just be a delay. I want to update this blog more often, but sometimes I struggle to come up with what to say. I've gotten rusty with coding again, so I need to hop back on to that and get a bit of a refresher, I think thats been a contributer to the lack of site updates beyond the blog; additional stickers; and just small things here or there. But, there are plans, I have external docs with everything I need to actually get the under construction pages filled out. It's just a matter of getting it all there, coding it, and actually doing the thing.

I also have plans to maybe share a little writing, or just make another page to post the creative works I make. Haven't made my mind up on that one, though. I think the first thing I need to do is like, maybe a chat box or something for people to leave messages and communicate. I might make a little Revolt (FOSS alternative to Discord) server or something too, while I'm at it and add it to the page. Also need to make a button, I have one in place that I'm not happy with so I haven't added it to the main page. I'm also going to be moving things over to a proper, custom URL soon.

And, well, that about wraps up everything on my mind atm. And, I hope it's at least a good indicator of my plans and what I want to do with this site moving forward. Got a little brain fog, so it might be a little scattered. Either way, I wish you all well and to those enduring the same winter storms as me I wish you luck.

01/04/2024

This entry is more just kind of thoughts. I've been looking back at things I've made in the past, nothing special just little Gondola memes, and it finally dawned on me just how far along some of the skills I've picked up have come along. The whole purpose of me making my Youtube channel was for the sake of learning how to edit videos, and just to have a little fun hobby on the side, and it's really actually kind of paid off. Jumping back in to Vegas Pro after over a year of not using it, it all just came right back. It's a little boost to my self confidence if we're being honest. Life is slow now, I'm still rebuilding everything, but things are looking up. They will never be what they were again, but I can at least make due with what I have; and look to the future.

Usually I'm not about New Years resolutions, because I just kind of set goals as I go, but I think a good one for this year will be to finally get everything back on track. I plan on sparking the channel up again, I meant to earlier; but didn't have everything I needed at hand. I plan on expanding beyond just doing gaming stuff, and the odd modding tutorial. I want to see if I can actually do something a bit more creative, though, none of that stuff is going away entirely. So far, the new year is looking bright, which is not something I expected to say after everything that's happened. So, here's to a bright future for myself, and all of you reading this. In hindsight, having a little blog where I can just ramble away is kind of nice. I need to get around to finishing off my pages here, odds are I'll do it in a burst of motivation, I recently found out that I have ADHD; which probably explains why I have trouble seeing some stuff through at least in a timely manner.

Either way, I think I've rambled on long enough. So, hopefully there will be more substantial updates in the near future!

12/28/2023

Howdy, it's been a while. All momentum was stopped for a bit due to a new job and several changes in my life, but things are still looking up, especially now more than ever. I haven't abandoned the site, and do still want to do everything mentioned in the previous update. I just needed, and still need a bit of time to get everything together. I've found new friends, new places, returned to some old habits and hobbies, and even picked up some more. I really don't know how personal I want to get with these blog updates, so they might vary a bit in tone.

This is mostly just to let you all know I am still alive, still planning on updating things, and maybe even doing more overhauls than planned. But, well, hindsight is 20/20 and life is life; sometimes it's a smooth patch of road, and others take you down a winding mountain path. I think I'm on the mountain path right now, but hey, at least it's pretty look at. Either way, I hope you all are doing well yourselves, and I wish you all a lovely new year. Take care of yourselves, you only get one life. And, no matter how dark things get; it will pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it'll eventually pass.

10/15/2023

Alright, so now that I finally got it set up, after hours of trouble shooting due to a single missing character; the blog is live. It will be laid out similarly to the changelog you see on the main page, but more personal updates or thoughts and feelings as opposed to short and sweet little updates. Well, some might short and sweet, either way I am meandering.

So, I expected to be able to be far more active in maintaining this place, but as with the beginning of my year life has been in the way; everything from a new job to just other responsibilities as a whole. Hopefully, this should be clearing up soon and I can get to work on the other pages, that have been under construction for far too long I'd say. ETA for those is still in the air, because as we know life stops for no one until they're dead. Plans as it stands are to wrap up the Creator Resources page first because that will take far less time and effort, and from there the shrines page will be next priority. Plans for the shrines page are going to be somewhat similar to the main, just some simple divs with a preview of each individual shrine; from there we'll see how extra I decide to go with them. I have plans for at least the following shrines: Pokémon, Fallout, and Music as a whole.

I can also get in to why I tend to keep my pages simple, I guess, that's largely because it just pleases my brain. As mentioned, I am on the spectrum, and I really like having nice; neat; and orderly spaces. My website, of course, being one of them. Though, I may eventually set the windows to be moveable for fun, I'm still undecided on that. But, there's your main reason for why things are as simplistic and basic as they are.

And, I'm not sure what to say next here, so this is where the first blog entry will end. You can expect these to be of varying lengths dependent on what's going on at the time, though I wouldn't expect them to go too super overboard. Oh! I also plan to add little easter eggs sprinkled throughout the site in the future, and I will not be saying when I add them, you'll have to find them on your own.~